I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
