My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is Oprah even human
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
God, I missed his penis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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