Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you never un-have a 4some
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
