why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
