ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
