Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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