if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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