I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
