After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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