I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
