Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
