my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
