He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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