I have demons in me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
