WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
