two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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