just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
