how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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