Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
false alarm, still single
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
