We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
