a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
