Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
