his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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