From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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