So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
