Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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