Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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