Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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