When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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