i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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