do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
