so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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