well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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