She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
