My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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