so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
