I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
