There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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