she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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