I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
