Kiss
Puke
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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