Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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