Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
