I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think my moral compass just broke
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
