I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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