just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
