My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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