there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
