shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
