I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The power of my boobs compel you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
