Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i love accidental penises.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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