I am puke
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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