so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
