would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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