my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
