Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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