i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
