The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
