Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
